Seeing Red & Being Single

red-velvet-cupcakes-714x1024
Red Velvet Cupcakes

Being Single is Hard.

Hard.

No matter what anyone tells you. It’s hard. And it is not fun.

I mean, think about it. From a young age, women are groomed to always see themselves as someones loved one. When we played dress up as children, we play the mother or the wife. We imagine weddings, children, making dinner or breakfast for our little baby dolls that can’t even sip water (well back then they couldn’t, they poop and pee now)  So flash forward, 20 some odd years and I’m still not someones mother or wife! You start thinking, maybe I was playing the wrong games when I was younger, or maybe I set myself up when I was younger. But the sad part, is that it’s easiest to blame yourself for your singleness. But are you really to blame? Well, in this case. Am I really to blame? I would say yes and no.

It has taken me a really long time to ‘accept’ my singleness as a waiting period from God. And when I say, taken me a long time – I really do mean it. In high school, you’re supposed to meet your ‘high school sweetheart’ – well I’m pretty sure he flunked outta middle school because I didn’t meet him. Then in college, you’re ‘supposed’ to meet your college love – I thought I did. I met this guy, and you know how it goes. We were friends, and then really good friends. He was my best friend and we were inseparable. He got me in ways other people didn’t. He knew how to push my buttons and how to make my heart swoon all in the same moment. He was him and I loved that. Somewhere between that friendship and best friend, lines got blurred and we ended up in the awkward, “Well …” stage. As a young adult, I wanted a relationship at that moment. That’s what I was led to believe – friend + feelings = relationship. But we never got there and now, I’m 100% fine with that. After I graduated, I went through a period of dating where I was trying to find him in other people. The way he was, the way he treated me but from other guys I dated. And that was hard and frustrating. So there’s the yes – I blame myself for being single. I was trying to reimagine something that never was and never will be. I was playing myself and because of that, my single life was sorely suffering.

And then I get to the no – I don’t blame myself for being single. At the beautiful young age of 28 – I feel that I’ve done good for myself. I have 2 degrees, I pay all my own bills, I bought my own car,  I make miracles happen in the kitchen, I’m sociable, I have a personal relationship with God, get along with most and above all – I am a Queen. And yet, people always tell me that maybe my standards are too high?! and that I should lower them .. Now, I get what they’re saying but if I’ve done all of this for myself – why can’t the person I’m with do as much for themselves? I’ma driven individual. I don’t want to drive anyone and … (maybe thats a little shallow). I think back on the guys that I’ve dated and if I would of married any of them – and the answer is no. As I’ve continued to figure out what my “type” of guy is, none of them were him. And when I say him, I don’t mean Benjamin. None of them reflected who I was or who I want to be with. However, they’ve all allowed me to understand what I would or wouldn’t settle for. They’ve allowed me to grow and figure out what I like in a guy and what I don’t. They’ve allowed me to mature in this ‘game of dating’. This game of dating is a whole other blog post. And because of that, I am thankful for God’s protection in the form of redirection.

The hard part of being single is 2 parts; 1 – accepting the singleness and 2 – understanding while you feel that you are missing out, you in fact are not. In this time of social media, every I open my FB/IG, someone else is married, or engaged, or expecting babies and I’m over here trying to decide if I want wine or ice cream (wine wins every time). By no means, am I complaining about all the love that I see on my social media but for someone who has been single for a good long while, it’s sometimes hard to just scroll past without feeling a certain type of way. Then when I always get the “oh, you’ll find them once you stop looking”  .. funny story is that I’m not looking and haven’t been for a while. But still, people always tell me that. Or ‘Trust in God’s timing’ which I already know and have signed on to. It’s hard to be single, when everyone continues to remind you that you’re single by trying to comfort you in your moment of singleness by reminding you & reaffirming the things about your singleness that you already have told yourself. Example, if I have a flat tire, don’t roll up on me and be like “Oh man, its a bummer that you have a flat tire but hey at least the tow truck is on its way” .. why YES! I know I have a flat tire and have already called the tow truck.

As I have continued on this single journey with God as my guide, it has gotten easier – which led to the acceptance. It’s always hard because in God, I’m reminded to trust in Him because He will give me the desires of my heart. So yes, in other words – waiting. Which has generally been hard for me because I know what I want (or have a good idea) and have in turn always been the person to pursue, but God continues to remind me that ‘He who finds a Wife, find a Good thing’ … not she who texts first, finds a husband. Always being the pursuer takes a toll on self confidence and relationship mentality, I have been down that road and it wasn’t pretty. But, thats hard part about being single.

So now, I’m waiting for a King to offer to share a cupcake with me vs me offering to share a cupcake with him. And I’ll know when the cupcake is right 😉

 

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